How can I get this place on al-Qaeda's target list?
In case you don't recognize it, this is the home of a most pernicious evil. An evil sprung from the sewage-smeared loins of Socialism, gestated in the withered womb of Ignorance, and birthed by an ever-grasping Government with a torrent of fetid afterbirth which continues to wash over the land in reeking waves of green slime. All hail the great Federal Reserve!
Now, most people find the Federal Reserve about as exciting as watching their freezer defrost, and about as evil as bowl of cottage cheese. That is, of course, all part of the Fed's evil plans. Thankfully, I am not most people. My journey from run-of-the-mill innocent boob to raging Fed-Hater Extraordinaire was decades long, and I will not recount it here. I can, however, point to the place where it started. It was on the front porch of 449 6th Street, in Struthers, Ohio. It was there that I asked a friend what I thought was a simple question: "What is a dollar?" Much discussion ensued, but no satisfactory answer was found. Seemed pretty strange to a couple of 16-year-old A students. I wish I could say that my curiosity was so aroused that I immediately went out on a tireless search for the answer, but at 16 I had far more pressing concerns than monetary theory...believe me! The important thing is that I know the answer now.
No, I'm not going to tell you the answer... that is not my purpose in writing this little gem. My purpose is to rage, rage, against the dying of my purchasing power. Go, reader, and find out for yourself what a Dollar is. You will be the better for it. From here forward however, I will use the word "dollar" and "$" in their common understanding as the little greenish bits of paper in your wallet.
I hate the Fed because they stole the money my Grandpa gave me. And then they gave it to the Government. So I also hate the Government, and I don't give a hoot if Bill Clinton thinks it's not patriotic. He took my money too, and if I ever meet up with him, I'll slap that grey right outta his hair.
I can prove the Fed stole my money. When I was born in 1971, Grandpa gave me a $100 bill. I, being too short to reach the teller window at the local bank, put it in my piggy bank. No big deal... right?
In 1971, I could have traded my Benjamin for 2.86 ounces of gold. Why gold? Cuz it's purdy! Gold at the time was "fixed" at $35 per ounce. I'll not get into why it was $35, and how it was $20 before that commie cripple bastard FDR stole everyone's gold in 1933, because then I'll have to go into how I hope FDR's skin is boiled off each day in the searing flames of Hell, and you'll get the idea that I'm not the jovial bloke everyone thinks I am... and that just won't do at all. So, gold was $35 per ounce in 1971.
Fast forward 34 years to our blissful present. Gold is currently trading pennies shy of $460 per ounce! Now my $100 only gets me a paltry 0.22 ounces of gold. Boy do I feel like a dope. "Save for a rainy day," my Grandpa told me. Well, he meant well anyway. In 1971, that 0.22 ounces would have cost me $7.61! What happened to my other $92.39?!?! The Fed took it.
How do I know? Well, the funny thing about gold is that it's very durable. Remember the nugget that Ugg found next to the wooly mammoth poop in 43,000 BC? Good. Now, see that hot babe at the end of the bar? Yep...the one with the navel ring. Well, part of Ugg's nugget is in her navel ring. She always goes for those caveman types! Anyway, the vast majority of gold we've ever dug out of the bowels of Mother Earth is still around, and there is an awful lot of it around. We mine tons of gold every year, but that amount is small compared with what we've already mined over the millennia. This means the quantity of gold is quite stable especially when compared to other commodities... especially commodities like little greenish bits of paper! (Gold has a high stocks-to-flows ratio for all you smarty pantses who wanna impress your friends.)
The reason the price of gold is up 1,314% over 34 years is not that there is less gold than there was in 1971, but that there are so, so, terrifyingly many more dollars! And I know exactly who to blame for there being more dollars. The boneheads print their name right there on the things! Right up top... like they're PROUD of this bullshit!!! That's why I'd like to see them taken down a few pegs. All the pegs. Steal from me and then brag!?! Well you just wait. What goes around...
The way I see it, the Fed owes me either $1,214.40 or 2.64 ounces of gold. And I'd rather have the gold if it's all the same to you... it's sure not the same to me and Grandpa.